Sunday, February 28, 2010

Free Tili

Dear Perfect Parents:
Tilikum is an Orca, a sacred sovereign animal meant to travel thousands of miles through an environment alive with other marine citizens. Like all slaves he had to be captured, held and incarcerated. Before we see him in his nifty cement pond in Florida he underwent kidnapping and estrangement from his family. In order to watch him jump through hoops he was coerced with food, food he can no longer track and catch. He will only continue performing out of the need to eat.
There is no logical justification for believing that this animal is not in misery.
We can each commit ourselves to never, ever attending a "show" of any kind involving the capture and coersion of wild animals. Without our monetary support there simply would be no Sea World. Our children do not need to be confused by an animal's majesty and their forced captivity. By bringing children to these businesses we are misleading them and passively condoning slavery and abuse for profit.

This from the Los Angeles Times:

Brancheau's death "did not have to happen, and I must appeal to you to take strong action now so that it never happens again. I know that the Blackstone Group was asked to close the SeaWorld theme parks when you acquired them last year," Barker wrote, referring to PETA's 2009 request that Blackstone send the marine park's occupants to sanctuaries that more closely resembled their natural habitats. "I urge you to make that humane move now and to start moving the captive orcas and other marine mammals to transitional coastal and wildlife sanctuaries" and replace them with virtual-reality exhibits. Bob Barker (The Price is Right Host)

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Is Our Children Learning?

Apparently accourding to a Gallup Poll some 68% of Americans believe in the "Devil"!
Pat Robertson went so far as to explain Haiti's predicament as a direct result of some clandestine meeting The Devil and Haiti's Governors had one night? (the Devil surely makes such pacts at night)
This means two thirds of the people my children interact with every day believe in an evil mythological creature that aims to tempt them with woeful pacts, appealing to their proclivities towards easy money, revenge and grandeur.
If only Gallup had included questions regarding belief of the Tooth Fairy and Santa.
Perfect Parent suspects that Gallup polled a group of Americans aged four to seven.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Purity Mom

"I need to lose a few pounds of holiday excess, Anyone else? I like to do fasts and detoxes a couple of times during the year, the most hardcore one being the Master Cleanse I did last spring. It was not what you would characterize as pretty. Or easy. It did work, however.
I feel pure and happy and much lighter (I dropped the extra pounds that I had gained during a majorly fun and delicious "relax and enjoy life phase" about a month ago."
Gwyneth Paltrow

Perfect Parent does not know where to begin. What exactly is Gwynnie cleansing? Does she swing wildly between raw diet juicing nervous and upset life phases to crack smoking, chicken fried steak eating relax and enjoy life phases?

Sounds like Mommy is either indisposed or slurring her words?

Balance is an overused word but Gwynnie....? Pull those neurosies towards the center a little bit and you can mark your life phases with actual accomplishments. If purity is your concern invest in those neat dust mite mattress and pillow covers and call it "close enough".

Sunday, December 13, 2009

The Mary Shelley Generation

Unable to have a baby of her own, Amy Kehoe became her own general contractor to manufacture one. For Ms. Kehoe and her husband, Scott, the idea seemed like their best hope after years of infertility.

Working mostly over the Internet, Ms. Kehoe handpicked the egg donor, a pre-med student at the University of Michigan. From the Web site of California Cryobank, she chose the anonymous sperm donor, an athletic man with a 4.0 high school grade-point average.

On another Web site,, Ms. Kehoe found a gestational carrier who would deliver her baby.

Finally, she hired the fertility clinic, IVF Michigan, which put together her creation last December.

“We paid for the egg, the sperm, the in vitro fertilization,” Ms. Kehoe said as she showed off baby pictures at her home near Grand Rapids, Mich. “They wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for us.”

On July 28, the Kehoes announced the arrival of twins, Ethan and Bridget, at University Hospital in Ann Arbor. Overjoyed, they took the babies home on Aug. 3 and prepared for a welcoming by their large extended family.

A month later, a police officer supervised as the Kehoes relinquished the swaddled infants in the driveway.

Bridget and Ethan are now in the custody of the surrogate who gave birth to them, Laschell Baker of Ypsilanti, Mich. Ms. Baker had obtained a court order to retrieve them after learning that Ms. Kehoe was being treated for mental illness.
Stephanie Saul, New York Times, December 12, 2009

Perfect Parent asks:
How does a scenario such as this advance?

"Well Mom, we think our best hope for giving you grandchildren is purchasing sacred (albeit microscopic) body parts over the internet from other humans and shipping them fed-ex to a laboratory where technicians will create embryos. Scott bought the neatest woman to carry them, god bless her! I have to tell ya Ma, sperm from an athlete and eggs from a pre-med will set you back a few."

"Oh Honey,that's just super. Let's have the gestational carrier shower at The Club, it's so much easier than the beach house."

Sunday, December 6, 2009

When Your Best is not a Good Look

"For the last few years, ever since I passed out from exhaustion, broke my cheekbone and got five stitches over my eye, I've been working on bringing more balance to my life. To do this, I’ve had to learn to unplug and recharge. To trade multi-tasking for uni-tasking -- and, occasionally -- no-tasking. It’s left me healthier, happier, and more able to try to make a positive difference in the world." Arriana Huffington

Perfect Parent asks:

Ummmmmmmm, Ariana were there any red flags before this moment that might have helped you avoid these injuries? Though all working moms have stories of sleep deprived fender benders Ariana (once again) has bested us all. May I suggest getting to the point of passing out and breaking something only if what you are engaged in is super important. If say, you are on the very brink of curing an infectious disease or carrying a high level message of national security. Halloween costumes, wedding receptions, spelling tests, college applications, blogging!! or engaging in punditry just don't warrant the kind of dedication necessary to pass out cold and break something on your face!

By all means make a positive difference in the world moms but before laying crumpled in your twin-set, eyes rolling and head leaking, get some shut-eye.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

It's Never Too Early To Fail!

Kayla Rosenblum sat upright and poised as she breezed through the shapes and numbers, a leopard-patterned finger puppet resting next to her for moral support.

But then came something she had never seen before: a visual analogy showing a picture of a whole cake next to a slice of cake. What picture went with a loaf of bread in the same way?

Kayla, who will be 4 in December, held her tiny pointer finger still as she inspected the four choices. “Too hard,” she peeped.

Test preparation has long been a big business catering to students taking SATs and admissions exams for law, medical and other graduate schools. But the new clientele is quite a bit younger: 3- and 4-year-olds whose parents hope that a little assistance — costing upward of $1,000 for several sessions — will help them win coveted spots in the city’s gifted and talented public kindergarten classes.
Sharon Otterman, New York Times, November 20, 2009

Perfect Parent asks:
Really, the gifted and talented kindergarten classes? What a fun group of compassionate adults these children will grow up to be. Can you imagine the conversation at the "Gifted and Talented Class Potluck"?

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Don't Forget To Worry About This!

Toddlers Insensitive to Loud Noises go on to COMMIT CRIMES!
November 2009 by Ewen Callaway

Even at the tender age of 3, children who will go on to be convicted of a crime are less likely to learn to link fear with a certain noise than those who don't. This may mean that an insensitivity to fear could be a driving force behind criminal behaviour.

Adult criminals tend to be fearless, but whether this characteristic emerges before or after they commit a crime wasn't clear, says Adrian Raine, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia.

To find out, Raine and colleague Yu Gao turned to data from a 1970s study, collected as part of a decades-long project to understand the biological and environmental factors underlying mental illness.

Back then, researchers led by Raine's former research supervisor had measured the sweat response of about 1800 3-year-olds in Mauritius when they were exposed to two different sounds. One sound was always followed by a noisy blare, the other by nothing. The children learned to anticipate which sound preceded the blare, and sweated in response to it – an indicator of fear.

Decades later, Raine's own team looked to see if any of the subjects had criminal records and found 137 that did. The team discovered that, as toddlers, these people had sweated significantly less in anticipation of the blare compared with subjects of similar race, gender and background for whom no criminal record was found.

Perfect Parent asks:

OK what about the ability to ignore loud parental threats??????